Flower

A cart was outside. A little cart full of bouquets was available, cheaper than what I had always seemed near home. Then I drove by to college and saw around 8 people selling bouquets of flowers too; beautiful roses of all colors. Then I remembered the times I saw a man, with a ring in his left hand, buying them.

How many times we have heard at some point of our lives that women are like flowers. If not, we at least hear that the classic gifts we should receive are chocolates, teddy bears or flowers, flowers being the most common.

While looking at the cart I kept wondering- would a day come where I’m married and my husband sees those flowers and think, I’m getting them for her today. Not in an anniversary, not in a birthday, but in a random day. A random day, like the one I saw, where after a busy day at work that man saw those cheap flowers as an easy way to say I love you, or “I’ve been thinking about you all day love”. Pretty. Is not cheesy, is romantic. It’s idyllic to believe that we deserve that much from someone.

Today, I wish you reflect on the beauty of a flower. Compare it with a woman. Some live like a flower. They are only admired by their beauty, and they get torn by it. Different colors, textures, sizes. If you can, women or man, tell your partner, your friend: “I love you” and give a flower. It’s not fair they die in vain. At least they will be cheap, cute and beautiful. In this season, gift a flower and affection- that will surely let the other person know that you are thinking about them. That will make sure you express love, and that is something we need to do more often! J

One with the music

It’s almost midnight. The moon is brighter than ever. A full moon has never looked so pretty. The reflection of the dark sky fuses with the lights of the tall buildings. All are about ten feet from the sea. Lights that are red turn green as the car approaches them. Women are dancing in a table, couples hold hands, and models walk slowly in high heels. Silver is everywhere. The silver shirt it’s combined with silver color shoes and purse. Everything is moving towards that beautiful silver moon.

Her body was exhausted; the week had been a thought one. She was wearing shorts and she was glowing. She tried to have her curls straight, the plan didn’t work. It couldn’t have been more perfect. Natural curls where being blown by the breeze next to the sea. The music was decorating her body as she moved to the drum rhythm. She was herself, one with the music…

To be continued…

CHANGES

I just celebrated in the United States the election of Barack Obama and his theme: change. And I’m not even going to comment on the fact that he made history as the first African-American elected President or his power to move people. I will talk about the necessity of adjustments and changes we have to go in life. I believe many women try to plan stuff. Some have the ability to have a free spirit reflected on the non-addiction they have to agendas. The others have that to do list present all of the time. I want to do this and this, and then this afterwards, and I have to take care of the kids, share time with my husband, study, eat, cook, visit family, etc… so much time that we take as rubber bands in order to please someone. As I was saying to a friend: “don’t let your planning for your future, become your constant presents”.

It’s about attitude. I read someplace that 10% of the things you encounter are “what happened” and 90% is what you do with it. I also have something else in mind: veterans. Veterans Day is getting close, and these topics couldn’t be more related. We try to plan things ahead so that nothing comes as a surprise. We plan so much and try to be aware, that sometimes, even in relationships, we try not to get involved as much to prevent hurting “if something goes wrong”. But what happens when our circumstances change from one day to the other? When you have something in mind, and you think you have it on your side, and suddenly- it disappears.

Let me tell you, I know of people that have planned everything. Those wake up with an agenda and a schedule. I know I’m one of them. But let me tell you that right now I feel blessed with what I’ve got. I planned way ahead and God and destiny changed my plans. I ended up in another city with another program, my best friend at work and at heart was transferred near me, work opportunities have arrived in a time when there’s more unemployment; blessings and more blessings, made by embracing a change. I didn’t know what would happen, but I fell in love and feel happy. Happy because my agenda didn’t work, and all that dreaming with a plan had to go to the dumpster. My plan B became my only plan A, everything was turned around.

What about veterans? Could you imaging living each second in a war zone, where everything you know or want to do could dissappear? There you are, with your kids’ picture in your pocket, with a cross on your neck, with your tags- and in any moment- boom! You’re gone. What about the changes you face when you come back and you can’t delete those memories of war in your head. Where you are afraid and sleep with a gun or a knife. And what about the family that stays and waits- at a time where every single phone call turns to be the messenger of the worst news of your life. This quote: “Success in life is not about having everything that you like, but by liking everything you receive”.

I just got to ask you, to ask yourself if you honor and respect these veterans and their sacrifice. Recognize your own sacrifices at home. Don’t stop dreaming, you can achieve your goals. Remember, when a door closes, other opens, but it depends on you if you want to pass it.

I hear by give a mini gift to veterans and soldiers: especially the veteran that has turned my life around- I’m proud of you and love you. This is something I made:


V -Veterans are those who served The Nation
E - Everyday thanking that they would make it back home
T- Thinking of those they were fighting for
E – Every child, every husband or wife, freedom.
R- Reunited in experiences
A- Adjusting after War
N- United by one thing,
S- Service, I honor thee.

Take your time to pray for those who have died in service,
and those who are at War.

O God, by whose mercy the faithful departed find rest, look kindly on your departed veterans who gave their lives in the service of their country. Grant that through the passion, death, and resurrection of your Son they may share in the joy of your heavenly kingdom and rejoice in you with your saints forever. We ask this through Christ our Lord.


Almighty and eternal God, those who take refuge in you will be glad and forever will shout for joy. Protect these soldiers as they discharge their duties. Protect them with the shield of your strength and keep them safe from all harm. May the power of your love enable them to return home in safety, that with all who love them, they may ever praise you for your loving care. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

May God bless the troops and all veterans.

Fast food weddings

“When are you getting married?” said someone to a girl. “Hey dude, come on you’re getting old, get some kids”, said another to man. Surprisingly, after having a vivid conversation with someone, while discussing What happens in Vegas (the movie, 2008), someone told me that in Vegas, weddings could be done in a drive-thru. Yes, like any fast-food. Isn’t that amazing? For me that was shocking!

Then as always, I thought, how much gender has to do with weddings. Could you imagine a girl being raised all her life with the idea that getting married was going to be “THE” event in her life, that it was preferably with only one person, no divorce, many kids, happily ever after fairy tale kind of thing… and then all of the sudden, you end up in a car, filling papers, getting married (like in a fast food). Can you imagine getting married with the possibility that someone says to you… “You want fries with that, sir?”

I did some resent research. Well women are now getting married later, not in the early 20’s as they used to do, but middle 20’s and thirties. And that is for first marriages, many second marriages come at 40 or 50, and their quite a few that marry at their 20’s for their second time. Then in the man’s statistics, many where being more cautious and where marrying late to. This study, held by a University, reflected that the facts for the later” marriage had changed. It was assumed that man wanted to marry later than women, because of fear to compromise and because they enjoyed the “single life”. Now, they fear choosing the wrong person. Wrong person for them and for their finances, they don’t want to get married in “bad economic situations” or they fear that a divorce will cost them more than what they can afford. What you think about that?

What is marriage then, a contract? Is it a deal? Could it be that people are looking for hope in a moment, where both people that feel something share also a signature in a piece of paper? Is it possible that what it is all about when is a civil wedding? What is important about a religious ceremony then? Could it be that the hope they sign is reinforced with the blessing of God, and that with that in common at least it will seem easier to fight for love- something HE absolutely stands for (and forgiveness). So, what is marriage? What should we give?

A movie, Shall we dance? (2004) has the most memorable quote I can remember of marriage:
Why is it that people get married?Because we need a witness to our lives.There’s a billion people on the planet.What does any one life really mean?But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,All of it… all the time, every day.You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”

What do you think of that? When you think about it, from all the people in the world, people look for a commitment to one. That’s the hope and the dream. Is like a norm. I’ve seen girls that don’t have boyfriends, or leave their boyfriends at some point- to “enjoy single life”. Then what some of they do? They go to clubs, dances, movie theater, the mall, etc… and most of the time, their checking out boys that could turn to be “potential boyfriends”. Now, isn’t that an irony?
Well, to finish, we need to give love a chance: with family, friends, life, God, a partner, something. I saw a sticker the other day in facebook that said: “we girls should sue Disney World for making us believe that we would find prince charming”. Certainly, whoever wrote this found out that life isn’t a fairytale, but I guess that if we leave in fear of committing mistakes we will never find anything that is worthy. If we don’t fail and have deceits and deceptions, we will not get to recognize what is good or bad, to difference one thing to the other. In general, everybody should have their own definition of love, for some, getting married in a car with an Elvis impersonator as a judge or priest could mean the most romantic thing. I guess, some, really don’t believe in rituals, that we sometimes make (traditional receptions, dresses, etc) because we where thought that it was right. I guess, marriage itself, relies a lot on perception that on feeling.

Is not about two people becoming one, is like math. 1 + 1 The work is on that plus sign. If someone ever get’s to become a single one, then one of the parts became the other. One of the parts, lost themselves and turned into whatever the other wanted them to be. I don’t think that’s fair, do you? Well, a lot to think about. What is marriage to you, considering what you’ve been thought and what you feel? I hope someday, we’ll get to be more than a passive witness, more than a ritual based on the conception that we need to reproduce and multiply to maintain our species. I hope that we get a chance to be active, that we get a chance to love, really IN GOOD AND BAD.

For me, I’m leaving my future husband in the hands of God, when it’s time. It will happen when it has to happen, like many things in life, but of course I know I have to work and do things here. We aren’t puppets of God that are driven by command, that’s his gift. He’s a light to our uncertain path, a path he lets us draw. I hope that I have a partner more than what I hope for happiness. I wish to be blessed in my marriage by having the opportunity to become a warrior. I know everyday won’t be a happy day, that I’ll have many fights in life for opportunities, for a better tomorrow that will be driven by passion. For that, I hope I get someone that is willing to fight with me and for me, rather that someone that wants a beautiful success story. Someone that will be there, and that in different circumstances is willing to say: “I may not get you completely, I may disagree with you, this isn’t what I planned for, I don’t know how you do this, or I don’t know how I’ll do this: but I’m here”. I wish that in my marriage, I hold one hand instead of two. I wish that we get to look together at the sunset, our dreams and our paths; instead of looking straight in the eye to each other. Having that hand, that ring will be enough. And if that’s the case, then I guess a drive thru or a big walk in the aisle will have the same purpose, and it will be driven by the same hope and faith. I think that’s enough. What is your dream?

Build you map

First of all, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’ve been flying around many papers and people lately and you deserve all my attention. You are worth it! So now that many ideas have been dancing in my head, while I flew on a full agenda let’s talk about the bus chronicles.

Think about it, if we are “too good” we are considerated too sensitive and dumb; but if we come out strong and confident, we are considered “bitches”. If you doubt this is true, go to your nearest bookstore, you’ll find a book called “Why men marry bitches” and many that came after that one, which is just trying to boost your self-confidence. But why self-confidence should be associated with being mean, egocentric or, a “bitch” and so forth?

In these scenes, both real, there is another issue going on: the conception that women need a man in order to say no. Why? This also happens to men, but I’m discussing this scenes. When did we miss the class that showed us how to say no? How can it be that we are so frighten? Fear shouldn’t stop us. We are our own best enemy. So next time, someone insists say “no”, and when they ask why you said it, take a deep breath, don’t feel bad and say I said no because I wanted to… And as I saw in a TV show once, “what part of no don’t you understand, the “n” or the “o””.

You should start by asking yourself what are your limits. Feel free to write them down. You shouldn’t be ecstatic, so with time and new experiences you will develop different feelings, interests and you will have new standards. That is ok. Make your own map. Make your own life. Ask yourself, what do I like and dislike? I’m eager to hear you, but I’m more excited to know that you will take time to hear your own voice answering those questions.

[Image by silvernight.org]

Part I- Bus chronicles

Scene 1

Man: “How are you doing…”
Woman: “Fine”
Man: “Hey precious you have a cell phone?”
Woman: (silence)
Man: “If you have a boyfriend, that’s ok, I’ll won’t call you, but if not…you can give me your number and we’ll keep in touch, you know?”

Scene 2

Man: “How are you doing…”
Woman: “Fine”
Man: “Hey precious you have a cell phone?”
Woman: “Yes”
Man: “Well, can you give me your number and we can keep in touch? If you have a boyfriend I understand, I wouldn’t call”
Women: “I don’t have a boyfriend but I don’t wish to give you my number”
Man: “Why? If you don’t have anybody, what’s the problem?”
Women: “There’s no problem, I don’t want to”
Man: “I don’t get you, I see why you don’t have a boyfriend, me, wanting to be friendly and you get all bitchy, whatever”

Life as we know it

I thought of maternity. Maternity as a subject for this column, don’t get me wrong. And then besides every single thing we could discuss in the future about this gift and miracle, I thought of something bigger- life. Is ironic how everything is a cycle. Some people plan having a kid, some don’t. I believe it shouldn’t be treated as a business deal, as an investment, as a contract, as a time waste. We are talking of a human being, which is more sensible because it comes to life totally depending. It depends on its family, on people, the baby can’t make it alone.

So when you think about it, life itself and maternity, it is also a social effect. You NEED other people to live those first months, maybe those first years while you make it to independence. Heck! You need people all your life. Remember Wilson, the volleyball that became famous on Cast Away, as Tom Hanks character needed something to talk to and he created his friend out of imagination. That scene wanted to show that we all need a friend; we all need somebody because our nature is a social one. But I came to discuss life and how everything connects together- based on two testimonies.

So here’s how it goes, and feel free to disagree or discuss this. You meet someone, but that someone may be or not may be your ideal partner or a person that fits healthy standards in a relationship like respect, trust, love, commitment, etc- and then you get together. You may believe on waiting for sex or not, but then comes sex, at some point, and depending on the protection and your health options and rules- and also depending on the Murphy law where plans can change- you might get yourself in pregnancy. And then you have life in you, that if everything goes alright you get to see after 9 months. The perfect stranger that you consider yours is in you but now gets out and becomes parts of life. Then the baby is alive, but not by its own. And then it grows, passing through a lot of things, right or wrong, decisions and what you saw as a gift of life, it turns to be a life of its own. But what is life for that creature? When do you consider yourself alive, when your parents have you? Is that the rule? Could it be that many people fall into a routine of the mass and become only part of a system without ever considering what they are, and what lives mean to them? Are they living dead people?

Certainly, life is something relative and objective where you can get to chose what it is for you. But do you ever consider yourself grateful for it? What happens or what does it has to happen for you to wake up and understand that the only thing that we have assured physically is death. This week two stories, two second birthdays where celebrated. A girl, that on a 10th of July of 1995 was reborn again. She died for 30 minutes and she saw a tunnel and an angel. And that’s a complete different column when we analyze if we are selfish enough to think that we are the only “thing” in this world; if we “operate” by pure coincidence and what God has to do with everything. God deserves many columns, and has a lot to do with this theme (for me, you may defer) but we’ll discuss that another day. She died, and had to go through another operation on aJune 25th of 2001, and also on July 29th on 2005. Many dates, many opportunities. But certainly, the first one was the most incredible experience, a wake up call, she lives everyday thinking that she has a mission and that she could die tomorrow. What a way to live right? Does she sins by thinking she can die or by having it too present? Did it take a near death experience to see it? Was it worth it?

If flirting with death may give you life, a “shake”, not an adrenaline rush (like people who live by death in drugs and danger) then so be it. I believe is better to feel life more because of something, that to live without thinking anything at all, or thinking only of yourself. And then we go back to the cycle. We all need people but we seem to think that they need us, or that they want to use us, or after having a chosen few we neglect others which need to be remembered that they are also important. Wonder why so many suicides? Isn’t that a sign that someone needs to rethink what life is? What about when someone tries to take your life? Could that be a wake up call or you come back to life with vengeance? Another story of a second birthday this week was about that. The first one was because of an illness. The second story is about a guy that tried to kill this person. When asked- he could only say- “if I had to go through it again to feel what I felt, the Grace of God, I wouldn’t think it twice”.

Can you say that today? What do you believe life is? What’s your definition? What are you doing today that will make you a better person or that will help another person’s life? Have you thanked God or anyone, have you told a person you know that has battled death, that you’re happy there with you now. How can we ever analyze any theme without thinking of who you are and how you appreciate what you have? So who are you? I’m eager to know. What makes you who you are, what experiences have marked you? Some scars will never go, and for this two people and their testimonies I can assure you that every time those scars appear in a mirror, they become a reflection and a reminder of what we need to say everyday- THANK YOU. Is a need to scream, thank you for a second chance. You don’t need to go through this to start today. And for those who have had similar near death experiences, by sickness or because of other people that play with life, I’m so grateful that you’re here.

Stop!

“Stop!”- hard breathing. “Stop, just stop it please!”- the sound of mercy; words that scream from the middle of our lungs when we are in different situations we hate. Loneliness, in the middle of a fight, in the middle- in between- the fine line of saying no we sometimes don’t cross for pity or fear. In words of the popular series now movie Sex and the city, “Carrie” says: “It’s incredible how we are eager to write our vows, but we don’t take the time to write our own rules”.

It’s been a week of thinking, of stopping, of daring to listen what others have to say. In a bus, the middle age man that was discussing with his buddies that a women was with a man that cheated on her, but that because he brought in the money she “had” to endure it. It was confusing. Either he was criticizing women that stayed with a man that cheated for money, or he was justifying it. And just as I was thinking that it was a good thing to analyze, two young women where passing by and the chuffer slowed downed. The group of men just dares to comment out loud, near me: “wow man, if the chuffer has slowed down, they must be extremely hot”. And they just followed them with their eyes, like if they could have saved a picture for a future exercise of imagination.

In other story, a middle age women that has to confront once again three men, which she dated on the same Summer, which are possible fathers of her daughter that is getting married. “Mamma Mia!”- I thought the plot was the reason for that name, but no, is a song, and it’s rather cool that is the song related to her feeling all over again after seeing them there after 20 years. The girl invited the possible fathers after reading her mom’s diary, which described sex as “three dots …”. Anyway, they were getting married and both were 20 years old. One of the possible fathers was rather mad that they were rushing. The groom said to her: “don’t you get it, I was ready to explore the world, with a spirit to travel to do 1000 things and I putted it on hold for you”. In the end, she said (bride to be): “you shouldn’t put on hold anything, let’s explore the world together, we’ll postpone the wedding”.

And then last but not least, abusive relationships. A 13 year old girl had a boyfriend of 17 that was abusive. Her mother knew about it, never suspected it would get that far. She tried to kill the girl that’s coming out of a comma; he killed her mother and her 80 year old grandmother. A boy of 17. Did you hear that, a relationship between a girl of 13 and a boy of 17. Dating violence exist. And of this I can talk and talk a lot, because I’ve always been amused and intrigued by the nature of these aggressors. In relationships, the signals are related to guilt. How much guilt can a girl take for talking to others, for having friends, for correcting something he said, for wearing too much make up, for wearing none, for not getting that cell phone at the second ring, for not “obeying”. How much guilt will that girl take now that her family is partially dead and that her sisters, some small, will grow without a mother? When she forgot how to say no. Could it be she said it but he was too strong, or did he tried to kill her because of it.

“Stop!”- it seems that we don’t take our time to say stop and to say no. You may be getting married tomorrow, or next month. You may be picking the kids today at the nursery. You may be an excellent father. A good boyfriend. You may be next. It seems that we need to take our own advices. We have the ability to analyze 20 relationships around us as strangers, but we cannot get out of ourselves to see the bigger view of the situation. We get trapped in there, like if it would be part of our agenda. One day they scream at us, disrespect us, the other day they are “nice”. What do these stories have in common, that we each face different situations, and we get to make decisions. It’s hard, because we get used to it. It becomes a routine and some psychologist say that most of the times we don’t break up with someone we know we aren’t happy is because we get used to them. “Routine beats love”. Then we have to get out of that routine and say no. Scream today! Say no! To all injustices, to violence, to every time you cry and feel hopeless, for the times your down, for the things you see on the news, for all the things that you wish to buy but can’t afford, for all your sacrifices, say no! Stop it! I need a break! In words of a song of Gloria Trevi: “Ella que nunca fue, ella que nunca fue ella… ella se miró al espejo y se buscó, dijo que sería ella mañana, y mañana nunca llegó.” “She that wasn’t she, she that was never her, … she looked at the mirror, she looked for herself, she said I’ll be myself tomorrow, and the other day she didn’t wake up”. What are you waiting for!

F@iry

Why Fairy Tells?

It started as an idea for a book. We always live with the ilusion that we'll find our Fairy tale. But instead of receiving those beautiful stories we encounter multiple ogre's- not the Shrek type- but really mean people on the way that sometimes makes us believe that we will never find our prince charming, that we won't be happy. I like Sex and the City, a fan, and Cosmo. My girlie side reflects on the freedom of speech on topics that are considered taboo- even if I read them on solitude or if I see them on TV. As I read some quotes I found one very interesting: "We sometimes need to forget what we want to remember what we deserve". Right on! So this space will be a change in the blogsphere, maybe there's people that write like in Sex and the City or in Cosmopolitan. I will deliver analysis of situations that we women encounter everyday, to start a forum and to think on what we go through. I truly believe that we face differences because of our gender, and maybe this will be a brief hope to change and exchange what we go through in order to become stronger. Like I said, prepare. This will hold no taboos. Maybe by seeing what others suffer or what others are facing, instead of laughing at them or being filled with envy- we will give us the chance to live it. To learn.

F@iry