CHANGES

I just celebrated in the United States the election of Barack Obama and his theme: change. And I’m not even going to comment on the fact that he made history as the first African-American elected President or his power to move people. I will talk about the necessity of adjustments and changes we have to go in life. I believe many women try to plan stuff. Some have the ability to have a free spirit reflected on the non-addiction they have to agendas. The others have that to do list present all of the time. I want to do this and this, and then this afterwards, and I have to take care of the kids, share time with my husband, study, eat, cook, visit family, etc… so much time that we take as rubber bands in order to please someone. As I was saying to a friend: “don’t let your planning for your future, become your constant presents”.

It’s about attitude. I read someplace that 10% of the things you encounter are “what happened” and 90% is what you do with it. I also have something else in mind: veterans. Veterans Day is getting close, and these topics couldn’t be more related. We try to plan things ahead so that nothing comes as a surprise. We plan so much and try to be aware, that sometimes, even in relationships, we try not to get involved as much to prevent hurting “if something goes wrong”. But what happens when our circumstances change from one day to the other? When you have something in mind, and you think you have it on your side, and suddenly- it disappears.

Let me tell you, I know of people that have planned everything. Those wake up with an agenda and a schedule. I know I’m one of them. But let me tell you that right now I feel blessed with what I’ve got. I planned way ahead and God and destiny changed my plans. I ended up in another city with another program, my best friend at work and at heart was transferred near me, work opportunities have arrived in a time when there’s more unemployment; blessings and more blessings, made by embracing a change. I didn’t know what would happen, but I fell in love and feel happy. Happy because my agenda didn’t work, and all that dreaming with a plan had to go to the dumpster. My plan B became my only plan A, everything was turned around.

What about veterans? Could you imaging living each second in a war zone, where everything you know or want to do could dissappear? There you are, with your kids’ picture in your pocket, with a cross on your neck, with your tags- and in any moment- boom! You’re gone. What about the changes you face when you come back and you can’t delete those memories of war in your head. Where you are afraid and sleep with a gun or a knife. And what about the family that stays and waits- at a time where every single phone call turns to be the messenger of the worst news of your life. This quote: “Success in life is not about having everything that you like, but by liking everything you receive”.

I just got to ask you, to ask yourself if you honor and respect these veterans and their sacrifice. Recognize your own sacrifices at home. Don’t stop dreaming, you can achieve your goals. Remember, when a door closes, other opens, but it depends on you if you want to pass it.

I hear by give a mini gift to veterans and soldiers: especially the veteran that has turned my life around- I’m proud of you and love you. This is something I made:


V -Veterans are those who served The Nation
E - Everyday thanking that they would make it back home
T- Thinking of those they were fighting for
E – Every child, every husband or wife, freedom.
R- Reunited in experiences
A- Adjusting after War
N- United by one thing,
S- Service, I honor thee.

Take your time to pray for those who have died in service,
and those who are at War.

O God, by whose mercy the faithful departed find rest, look kindly on your departed veterans who gave their lives in the service of their country. Grant that through the passion, death, and resurrection of your Son they may share in the joy of your heavenly kingdom and rejoice in you with your saints forever. We ask this through Christ our Lord.


Almighty and eternal God, those who take refuge in you will be glad and forever will shout for joy. Protect these soldiers as they discharge their duties. Protect them with the shield of your strength and keep them safe from all harm. May the power of your love enable them to return home in safety, that with all who love them, they may ever praise you for your loving care. We ask this through Christ our Lord.

May God bless the troops and all veterans.

Fast food weddings

“When are you getting married?” said someone to a girl. “Hey dude, come on you’re getting old, get some kids”, said another to man. Surprisingly, after having a vivid conversation with someone, while discussing What happens in Vegas (the movie, 2008), someone told me that in Vegas, weddings could be done in a drive-thru. Yes, like any fast-food. Isn’t that amazing? For me that was shocking!

Then as always, I thought, how much gender has to do with weddings. Could you imagine a girl being raised all her life with the idea that getting married was going to be “THE” event in her life, that it was preferably with only one person, no divorce, many kids, happily ever after fairy tale kind of thing… and then all of the sudden, you end up in a car, filling papers, getting married (like in a fast food). Can you imagine getting married with the possibility that someone says to you… “You want fries with that, sir?”

I did some resent research. Well women are now getting married later, not in the early 20’s as they used to do, but middle 20’s and thirties. And that is for first marriages, many second marriages come at 40 or 50, and their quite a few that marry at their 20’s for their second time. Then in the man’s statistics, many where being more cautious and where marrying late to. This study, held by a University, reflected that the facts for the later” marriage had changed. It was assumed that man wanted to marry later than women, because of fear to compromise and because they enjoyed the “single life”. Now, they fear choosing the wrong person. Wrong person for them and for their finances, they don’t want to get married in “bad economic situations” or they fear that a divorce will cost them more than what they can afford. What you think about that?

What is marriage then, a contract? Is it a deal? Could it be that people are looking for hope in a moment, where both people that feel something share also a signature in a piece of paper? Is it possible that what it is all about when is a civil wedding? What is important about a religious ceremony then? Could it be that the hope they sign is reinforced with the blessing of God, and that with that in common at least it will seem easier to fight for love- something HE absolutely stands for (and forgiveness). So, what is marriage? What should we give?

A movie, Shall we dance? (2004) has the most memorable quote I can remember of marriage:
Why is it that people get married?Because we need a witness to our lives.There’s a billion people on the planet.What does any one life really mean?But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,All of it… all the time, every day.You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”

What do you think of that? When you think about it, from all the people in the world, people look for a commitment to one. That’s the hope and the dream. Is like a norm. I’ve seen girls that don’t have boyfriends, or leave their boyfriends at some point- to “enjoy single life”. Then what some of they do? They go to clubs, dances, movie theater, the mall, etc… and most of the time, their checking out boys that could turn to be “potential boyfriends”. Now, isn’t that an irony?
Well, to finish, we need to give love a chance: with family, friends, life, God, a partner, something. I saw a sticker the other day in facebook that said: “we girls should sue Disney World for making us believe that we would find prince charming”. Certainly, whoever wrote this found out that life isn’t a fairytale, but I guess that if we leave in fear of committing mistakes we will never find anything that is worthy. If we don’t fail and have deceits and deceptions, we will not get to recognize what is good or bad, to difference one thing to the other. In general, everybody should have their own definition of love, for some, getting married in a car with an Elvis impersonator as a judge or priest could mean the most romantic thing. I guess, some, really don’t believe in rituals, that we sometimes make (traditional receptions, dresses, etc) because we where thought that it was right. I guess, marriage itself, relies a lot on perception that on feeling.

Is not about two people becoming one, is like math. 1 + 1 The work is on that plus sign. If someone ever get’s to become a single one, then one of the parts became the other. One of the parts, lost themselves and turned into whatever the other wanted them to be. I don’t think that’s fair, do you? Well, a lot to think about. What is marriage to you, considering what you’ve been thought and what you feel? I hope someday, we’ll get to be more than a passive witness, more than a ritual based on the conception that we need to reproduce and multiply to maintain our species. I hope that we get a chance to be active, that we get a chance to love, really IN GOOD AND BAD.

For me, I’m leaving my future husband in the hands of God, when it’s time. It will happen when it has to happen, like many things in life, but of course I know I have to work and do things here. We aren’t puppets of God that are driven by command, that’s his gift. He’s a light to our uncertain path, a path he lets us draw. I hope that I have a partner more than what I hope for happiness. I wish to be blessed in my marriage by having the opportunity to become a warrior. I know everyday won’t be a happy day, that I’ll have many fights in life for opportunities, for a better tomorrow that will be driven by passion. For that, I hope I get someone that is willing to fight with me and for me, rather that someone that wants a beautiful success story. Someone that will be there, and that in different circumstances is willing to say: “I may not get you completely, I may disagree with you, this isn’t what I planned for, I don’t know how you do this, or I don’t know how I’ll do this: but I’m here”. I wish that in my marriage, I hold one hand instead of two. I wish that we get to look together at the sunset, our dreams and our paths; instead of looking straight in the eye to each other. Having that hand, that ring will be enough. And if that’s the case, then I guess a drive thru or a big walk in the aisle will have the same purpose, and it will be driven by the same hope and faith. I think that’s enough. What is your dream?

Build you map

First of all, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’ve been flying around many papers and people lately and you deserve all my attention. You are worth it! So now that many ideas have been dancing in my head, while I flew on a full agenda let’s talk about the bus chronicles.

Think about it, if we are “too good” we are considerated too sensitive and dumb; but if we come out strong and confident, we are considered “bitches”. If you doubt this is true, go to your nearest bookstore, you’ll find a book called “Why men marry bitches” and many that came after that one, which is just trying to boost your self-confidence. But why self-confidence should be associated with being mean, egocentric or, a “bitch” and so forth?

In these scenes, both real, there is another issue going on: the conception that women need a man in order to say no. Why? This also happens to men, but I’m discussing this scenes. When did we miss the class that showed us how to say no? How can it be that we are so frighten? Fear shouldn’t stop us. We are our own best enemy. So next time, someone insists say “no”, and when they ask why you said it, take a deep breath, don’t feel bad and say I said no because I wanted to… And as I saw in a TV show once, “what part of no don’t you understand, the “n” or the “o””.

You should start by asking yourself what are your limits. Feel free to write them down. You shouldn’t be ecstatic, so with time and new experiences you will develop different feelings, interests and you will have new standards. That is ok. Make your own map. Make your own life. Ask yourself, what do I like and dislike? I’m eager to hear you, but I’m more excited to know that you will take time to hear your own voice answering those questions.

[Image by silvernight.org]

Part I- Bus chronicles

Scene 1

Man: “How are you doing…”
Woman: “Fine”
Man: “Hey precious you have a cell phone?”
Woman: (silence)
Man: “If you have a boyfriend, that’s ok, I’ll won’t call you, but if not…you can give me your number and we’ll keep in touch, you know?”

Scene 2

Man: “How are you doing…”
Woman: “Fine”
Man: “Hey precious you have a cell phone?”
Woman: “Yes”
Man: “Well, can you give me your number and we can keep in touch? If you have a boyfriend I understand, I wouldn’t call”
Women: “I don’t have a boyfriend but I don’t wish to give you my number”
Man: “Why? If you don’t have anybody, what’s the problem?”
Women: “There’s no problem, I don’t want to”
Man: “I don’t get you, I see why you don’t have a boyfriend, me, wanting to be friendly and you get all bitchy, whatever”