“When are you getting married?” said someone to a girl. “Hey dude, come on you’re getting old, get some kids”, said another to man. Surprisingly, after having a vivid conversation with someone, while discussing What happens in Vegas (the movie, 2008), someone told me that in Vegas, weddings could be done in a drive-thru. Yes, like any fast-food. Isn’t that amazing? For me that was shocking!
Then as always, I thought, how much gender has to do with weddings. Could you imagine a girl being raised all her life with the idea that getting married was going to be “THE” event in her life, that it was preferably with only one person, no divorce, many kids, happily ever after fairy tale kind of thing… and then all of the sudden, you end up in a car, filling papers, getting married (like in a fast food). Can you imagine getting married with the possibility that someone says to you… “You want fries with that, sir?”
I did some resent research. Well women are now getting married later, not in the early 20’s as they used to do, but middle 20’s and thirties. And that is for first marriages, many second marriages come at 40 or 50, and their quite a few that marry at their 20’s for their second time. Then in the man’s statistics, many where being more cautious and where marrying late to. This study, held by a University, reflected that the facts for the later” marriage had changed. It was assumed that man wanted to marry later than women, because of fear to compromise and because they enjoyed the “single life”. Now, they fear choosing the wrong person. Wrong person for them and for their finances, they don’t want to get married in “bad economic situations” or they fear that a divorce will cost them more than what they can afford. What you think about that?
What is marriage then, a contract? Is it a deal? Could it be that people are looking for hope in a moment, where both people that feel something share also a signature in a piece of paper? Is it possible that what it is all about when is a civil wedding? What is important about a religious ceremony then? Could it be that the hope they sign is reinforced with the blessing of God, and that with that in common at least it will seem easier to fight for love- something HE absolutely stands for (and forgiveness). So, what is marriage? What should we give?
A movie, Shall we dance? (2004) has the most memorable quote I can remember of marriage:
Why is it that people get married?Because we need a witness to our lives.There’s a billion people on the planet.What does any one life really mean?But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything…The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things,All of it… all the time, every day.You’re saying “Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.Your life will not go unwitnessed - because I will be your witness.”
What do you think of that? When you think about it, from all the people in the world, people look for a commitment to one. That’s the hope and the dream. Is like a norm. I’ve seen girls that don’t have boyfriends, or leave their boyfriends at some point- to “enjoy single life”. Then what some of they do? They go to clubs, dances, movie theater, the mall, etc… and most of the time, their checking out boys that could turn to be “potential boyfriends”. Now, isn’t that an irony?
Well, to finish, we need to give love a chance: with family, friends, life, God, a partner, something. I saw a sticker the other day in facebook that said: “we girls should sue Disney World for making us believe that we would find prince charming”. Certainly, whoever wrote this found out that life isn’t a fairytale, but I guess that if we leave in fear of committing mistakes we will never find anything that is worthy. If we don’t fail and have deceits and deceptions, we will not get to recognize what is good or bad, to difference one thing to the other. In general, everybody should have their own definition of love, for some, getting married in a car with an Elvis impersonator as a judge or priest could mean the most romantic thing. I guess, some, really don’t believe in rituals, that we sometimes make (traditional receptions, dresses, etc) because we where thought that it was right. I guess, marriage itself, relies a lot on perception that on feeling.
Is not about two people becoming one, is like math. 1 + 1 The work is on that plus sign. If someone ever get’s to become a single one, then one of the parts became the other. One of the parts, lost themselves and turned into whatever the other wanted them to be. I don’t think that’s fair, do you? Well, a lot to think about. What is marriage to you, considering what you’ve been thought and what you feel? I hope someday, we’ll get to be more than a passive witness, more than a ritual based on the conception that we need to reproduce and multiply to maintain our species. I hope that we get a chance to be active, that we get a chance to love, really IN GOOD AND BAD.
For me, I’m leaving my future husband in the hands of God, when it’s time. It will happen when it has to happen, like many things in life, but of course I know I have to work and do things here. We aren’t puppets of God that are driven by command, that’s his gift. He’s a light to our uncertain path, a path he lets us draw. I hope that I have a partner more than what I hope for happiness. I wish to be blessed in my marriage by having the opportunity to become a warrior. I know everyday won’t be a happy day, that I’ll have many fights in life for opportunities, for a better tomorrow that will be driven by passion. For that, I hope I get someone that is willing to fight with me and for me, rather that someone that wants a beautiful success story. Someone that will be there, and that in different circumstances is willing to say: “I may not get you completely, I may disagree with you, this isn’t what I planned for, I don’t know how you do this, or I don’t know how I’ll do this: but I’m here”. I wish that in my marriage, I hold one hand instead of two. I wish that we get to look together at the sunset, our dreams and our paths; instead of looking straight in the eye to each other. Having that hand, that ring will be enough. And if that’s the case, then I guess a drive thru or a big walk in the aisle will have the same purpose, and it will be driven by the same hope and faith. I think that’s enough. What is your dream?