What if versus What is

I’ve had this title for some time in my head now. I couldn’t help but wonder what was the definition of reality I could find on dictionaries that will help this post.

What I found was that reality was defined as:

1) The quality or state of being real;

2) a real event, entity, or state of affairs;

3) something that is neither derivative nor dependent but exists necessarily;

4) all of your experiences that determine how things appear to you; "his world was shattered"; and then this one appeared;

5) the state of the world as it really is rather than as you might want it to be.

It was a perfect definition for what I’ve had in my mind for a while. Going to Chicago made me learn about realities versus desires and the capacity of “sticking” to reality one could have or one could wish having. On a “business-training” trip I found a handsome man who spoke to me for a while, but was surrounded by women looking at him and appreciating his looks. I was surprised to see him show around his cell phone, and to share several conversations, where he proudly talked about his life as a father of 7 and one on the way in his marriage of 10 years; he was 35. I was amazed on how he handled his reality and started thinking how we handle our own.

Once I was told I had to be careful and that is was normal, that for someone who writes, I could have constant battles with reality: defined as a mental health professional as what was happening versus what I or someone wanted to believe or create -the opposite of real-, the fantasy. She said something that blew my mind too, “what if we need the fantasy? The fantasy by itself is not bad as long as we identify it as a wish and desire, versus as something that is real”. Confusing, but beautiful. How could we protect the mind from fantasies and the great gift of imagination without being affected. Why would we need a fantasy at all? I haven’t gotten to a concrete conclusion because something that is real versus something that is imagined is far from simple, however, I’ve found many people that hold to either of this concepts far to many times, too strongly, and then others that could get confused on the what is or what if’s of life.

We could hold on to reality: paying the bills, surviving, being secure, trying to avoid mistakes by being “too” real; too attached to what is happening leaving no space for dreams and wishes that could be fulfilled but that we kill because we are too hurt or to afraid. Then they are others attached to bubbles, fantasies, wishes that affect our way of living, like people who are attached to shopping and luxuries who can’t even afford them, just to live the fantasy of the "what if’s" and appearances. Then the others, that cannot stand by themselves and try to create a fantasy world where they can escape too. Many people see that other world sometimes in addictions, but making fantasies could be an addiction by itself. Then you walk in a fine line between what is happening and what you wish was happening and frustration hits you unexpectedly or repeatedly because you tried to live two lives; sometimes to avoid loneliness, sometimes cause we are afraid of choosing wrong, sometimes cause we are really insane.

At the end of the day we can be confused, and it’s normal, we live in a world of many brands, and sadly but true, we can confuse the way something material works with how much a human needs and it’s complexity. That is why when we get to chose something we can feel that we are missing out on many things, we do indeed have many options, many roads and many paths but when we choose “our reality” we should do it, not based on definition of what is happening, but our own truth. When our truth is not complete, our reality will reflect that, either with our need to escape from who we are and who we have became or while we kill the capacity of change that we gain from dreaming.

Some people like living unattached, trying to avoid choosing anything at all, especially those things that attached themselves with someone, who will make escaping harder. And then, they are those who spend time in what other people wished for themselves rather than writing their own life’s, someone writes it for them. To know that we have a power to choose and change what we live is far greater than any fantasy, any wish list, any “real situation” that could be an obstacle. So let’s focus today not in our “so called reality”, because maybe by creating fantasies we are actually trying to change our lives into what we want from them.

Let’s chose today to define what makes us (US) and what is our real truth. I wish more people will show other people their lives rather than inventing one. I wish the one that we are creating in our minds became a reality if that’s what makes someone happy. We also have to create a balance, between our minds and our hearts, cause in the end we might be thinking so much we are forgetting to feel.

To end I’ll leave you with a quote from the upcoming movie Eat, Pray, Love in theaters near you this weekend: “If you could clear out all that space in your mind, you’d had a doorway, and you know what the universe would do? Rush in. Everything else will take care of itself”.

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