Time, goes by, so slowly

Time is my lover. I’m so obsessed with time and planning that sometimes it hurts my head: numbers, hours and names. It’s all there. I cannot stop planning. Sometimes I think I’m so multitasking that I have to ask myself, where is my time? Where is my ME time? As I analyze this year, a new housing, new university, new everything I wonder where did that go. Now, a few months too late I want to go to the movies, I want to hang out, I want to discover this city, I want to visit the bay, I want to look at the trees. Why now? Now? NOW!!!!!!! I had almost 7 months to do it, and didn’t. I had to find myself alone in the sidewalk looking up to the sky, seeing the shadows of the palm tree that was always there to bring me company. I had just discovered that she was alone also.

At the end of the day, you discover that you could be surrounded by people and feel left out, in a date with your own self. At the end of the day, the school days are over, the BA is over, you and your house are over, your college is over, your “singleness” is over, and you can never be back. That is why you have to answer yourself: what do I want to do? So that when time comes you will be able to handle your solitude with pride, with strength. I guess sometimes planning everything seems as the escape route of pain. You try to convince yourself you will know what will happen. And yes, you feel more secure, at the end, time still dies.

In general, I ask myself, what could I have done? Many questions travel my head at the same time the most secure things fall as a broken glass into my feet. It was in the news today. Time is passing, money is running out, jobs are being cut and difficult to find. I know. By the time I end the semester I will be considered homeless. I will be left out without a home, a structure. This is the time where creativity takes a stand and probability conquers planning. When the sun goes out and I’m alone, I will be in the same position as many people. Laying down, trying to sleep, waiting for a new day; without even realizing with our eyes shut we say goodbye, farewell, adios, to that day forever. Again, time flies, but it flies with us. Sometimes we see it, sometimes we don’t. Time and clocks are still ticking while we steal the Earth some air. There’s always hope towards a new day, even if we are just thinking of the future. Clocks will keep ticking; they will let you know you’re dying each day. I guess the question I ask myself and I ask you are: what will you do? How can you answer that without putting in jeopardy your life? How can you make sure that you don’t make the planning for the future, your constant present? What do you think time and that clock you see right now is telling you?

I’m dying to know, please acknowledge the clock is ticking and I don’t have much time.

Painting by Salvador Dalí

by: F@iry

Let's get physical

How much is too much? In a recent article published by Yahoo they expressed nine reasons explaining why people cheat. They reasons were:

1-Bored
2-Dependence
3-Confusion
4-Because they let you
5-Nurturing
6-Revenge
7-Confirmation of Attractiveness
8-The thrill
9-They don’t consider it cheating even though you might

For the explication of these nine reasons and the whole article click here

Reading this article I got to wonder, how importance is the physical part of the relationship. I questioned how much is too much or too less. How many times roles have defined who has the “right” to ask for it, versus the one that “should” please the other one because “they are supposed to”. Now what is “the physical” part of the relationship. What is cheating? If you are looking for a fling, non attachment, non compromise these questions may not make sense. But what about a serious committed relationship are these questions relevant, definitely.

The physical part of a relationship is relevant, very importance, but it’s not everything. If a serious committed relationship is the goal, then the question should be: “can I imagine myself with this person for a long time, without getting tired of their kisses, hugs, caresses and sex”. Now if the answer is yes, “can you imagine yourself with that person excluding the physical part?” I have had friends that have stayed in a relationship, often unhealthy, because they like “how they complement each other in bed”. Besides that, they have seen each other fighting, insulting each other, they cannot complete a conversation or have too much days that go by without it because if not fights become bigger. Now the main question is: how much is too much?

I have hated all my life hearing men in talk shows say that because they are men, and “they have needs that exceed women”, they “had the right to, and had to” cheat in order to complete their desire. Gender have been used as an excuse in sex, and has played and enormous role in how sex has developed in history. Even now that women have come out of their shelter and asked for physical expressions and contact, many are shadowed by these past that told them for centuries that they were made to please, not to be pleased in that area. Maybe that’s the reason, besides the fact that more women are working and work becomes the main area to find a lover, people are surprised to now that women cheat almost the same as men. Cheaters are something around 60% men, 40% women. Many cannot believe it.

Is it really the physical part the main reason why people cheat? If so, isn’t society giving too much attention to sex. Everybody is affected by the constant media and ads that swear on the motto: “sex sells”. If you not believe it, take a look at billboards and ads in a magazine, how much are they that have women almost naked, suggestive positions, things that look like parts of the body hidden in subliminal messages. For example:

Today is a day to ask yourself, how much is too much or too less? What do I want in that physical area? Do I want a man or women that are sweet in bed, but never give public kisses or hugs? Do I want this to be an important part of the relationship? Do I want to be spontaneous or would I prefer to have a quota of “x times per week”? Don’t be afraid to ask yourself these questions, know yourself. After you know what you want, don’t keep it to yourself, be ready and prepare yourself to scream those words that society has oppress for so many years in that area. Today come out and say: “I want this”. And if in a serious committed relationship dare to say also: today will be days where we will please each other, without being selfish ask, “What do you want?”

Friends

A new year has come and with that, new friendships. The reason we enjoy the holidays so much, most of the time, is for the company. Many people travel around the world to reunite with those that are "expected there"- and always there, more than by choice, by fate=family. But when those people are far, the ones that you always used to see or share information with, you understand how much they mean.

A real friend shouldn't be someone that just keeps you company, a friend should be able to know everything about you and still love you- as you are. A friend calls to say hi once in a while, doesn't leave you or stop talking to you when you make a mistake. It isn't about giving love and sharing time with the expectation of receiving something. A sincere desire of friendship would overcome any obstacle. Those friends would call whenever you where feeling down, at least they would show some interest on your interest. Again, the problem comes when they like some parts of you, instead of loving you for you, as a whole.

Some friends stop calling over distance, and you get to wonder if they were they only because they had to see you, instead because they wanted to. Sometimes you ask yourself, "how is it, that I'm surrounded by people and I feel so alone". Maybe you didn't make any friends, just company. Or you gave them that name too soon. Some call, some only write to you in facebook, some just send text messages, some never invite you to things even if your available and some, out of nowhere just call to check how are you.

If we come to the point in life, when we are busy and growing older but we receive that call or give it, we care. Computers and social networks (like facebook) have made us show our "love" by how many comments we leave, instead of quality time together. That is why, in this new year, with St. Valentine coming soon, I invite you to analyze which are your true friends. Even if they are a few, if you can count on them, certaintly your lucky. If by any chance you feel alone, rejected or you don't know how to start: write. Write to me, to anyone, but specially write a letter to yourself, so that you remember that you are blessed to be here, that you are worth a lot and that you have a lot to offer.

Do not let anyone, that is present or constantly missing- make you believe your unworthy. As we grow we should be able to look back and count our blessings.

So in this opportunity I take the time to acknowledge my friends, my true friends, and those that will come on the way. Also my parents and the people that crossed at some point my path. I want to thank them for all they did all those years while I was busy turning into me.

Flower

A cart was outside. A little cart full of bouquets was available, cheaper than what I had always seemed near home. Then I drove by to college and saw around 8 people selling bouquets of flowers too; beautiful roses of all colors. Then I remembered the times I saw a man, with a ring in his left hand, buying them.

How many times we have heard at some point of our lives that women are like flowers. If not, we at least hear that the classic gifts we should receive are chocolates, teddy bears or flowers, flowers being the most common.

While looking at the cart I kept wondering- would a day come where I’m married and my husband sees those flowers and think, I’m getting them for her today. Not in an anniversary, not in a birthday, but in a random day. A random day, like the one I saw, where after a busy day at work that man saw those cheap flowers as an easy way to say I love you, or “I’ve been thinking about you all day love”. Pretty. Is not cheesy, is romantic. It’s idyllic to believe that we deserve that much from someone.

Today, I wish you reflect on the beauty of a flower. Compare it with a woman. Some live like a flower. They are only admired by their beauty, and they get torn by it. Different colors, textures, sizes. If you can, women or man, tell your partner, your friend: “I love you” and give a flower. It’s not fair they die in vain. At least they will be cheap, cute and beautiful. In this season, gift a flower and affection- that will surely let the other person know that you are thinking about them. That will make sure you express love, and that is something we need to do more often! J