“Make it dirty”

I know, sounds sexy, but I was actually thinking of coffee. Yes I discovered that named when I accidently wanted tea instead of coffee. Then someone told me, “you can have a chai tea”. What is that?- I asked. “It is a blend of spices with tea that has milk on it, but if you want, you can make it dirty”- What?! Yes you can have a “dirty chai tea” –the tea with a shot of espresso coffee. And that’s how that name came, and now I want it dirty all the time.

Then, it got me thinking, how many people had the same reaction I did. How many images would appear in a person mind while hearing this “make it dirty” conversation? Is dirty sexual, like the song of Cristina Aguilera Dirrrrrrty that had multiple “r’s” to make it more pronounced. Does being dirty, means playing mean. Like a low blow in a boxing match? Against the rules, against the odds, with mean intensions, without inhibitions? What is dirty to you? What is playing dirty to me?

I thought of the two winning possibilities let’s start with the sexual connotation one. The other day I saw the movie “What’s your number” and they used the word dirty among other’s like “slut, easy, etc.” referring to the main character when she said she had slept with 19 guys. The movie is based on this, the number of people girls (and boys, but they targeted girls) sleep with and how the stereotypes of gender affect how people react to that number. They question how much is too much. This girl had 19 partners and reads in a magazine that if you pass 20, you are unlikely to get married. What do you think of that? Well in her desperation, because she reaches 20 in the movie, she just goes and visits her ex’s so that she doesn’t has to ad anyone to her list. In this movie, the definition of dirty is used for name calling, to judge. Is it really fair to judge somebody by a number? What wins, quality or quantity? I’m sure this movie sounds outrageous to people that practice abstinence or truly believe in virginity till marriage. But for those that felt that the conversations in the movie where similar to those that you had with friends, the wording towards the girl, was very common.

I have to say, that I could have been more entertained with this movie than I was. But I HAVE to applaud something of the movie that was great. I don’t want to spoil details, but the best message comes at the end, with a toast from this “dirty” girl on her sister’s wedding. She says: “I’ve come to realized, than every time I see my sister with ____(guy she was going to marry, I forgot) she is just… her. So I guess falling in love is actually being able to be your best self”. I have to say that made the movie worthwhile and actually leads me to the next possible definition. If being dirty is more than being sexual, can we consider for a moment, who we end up being dirty with?

Then I thought of the “being mean” meaning. What is being mean in a relationship? I won’t talk about abusive behavior, because that is another story I can’t cover here – that is so important that it deserves a bunch of reflections. I wonder, what is “meaner”? They thought the girl was mean if she was sleeping with somebody just to sleep with somebody. And to that I have a disclosure, I hate when they say that someone cheated because the “needs” weren’t being satisfied enough, that it “had” to be found elsewhere (BS). But anyway, I wonder, if when you start something, if you meet somebody, what is meaner, lying to get the desire of just one of the parts, lying to get into someone’s pants, even lying to please in order to appear being ideal (like people that lie about numbers, a problem presented in the movie) or just being point blank, saying you know, I really want just to do x, y and z.

If I’ve learned something, is that honesty is better than lying. I’ve met all kinds of people. If there is something I’ve met this last months, is people that have disappeared. Yes, people that instead of talking straight to your face after encountering a problem or a difference; have preferred to end all type of confrontation with an e-mail, a text, a random changed status on Facebook, even having complete silence. I don’t know if I should call this playing dirty or to say that when I received this type of treatment they didn’t know they made me felt like dirt.

Deception is very hurtful, and in cases like this, we should analyze if we were the ones that created an illusion or if we really got the signals and the messages right and the reactions came out of nowhere. Where we tricked? OUCH, it hurts pretty badly. I understand, one can change, but we have to understand that our actions affect any kind of relationship we have, from a friendship, to something else. We face constant changes, we have the right to change how we think and feel, but we cannot tamper with someone’s sensitivity, especially knowing they were hurt before. Why imitate this? I don’t know.

I have learned many things and with the changes I’ve confronted in this last months, the new tea I like and all this “dirty” stuff, I can think if two quotes. “Don’t make a priority, someone that has you as an option” and “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken”. We can debate many things, what we do, what we plan, what happens, but today, just for today I would like to celebrate and reflect on how I feel. Maybe if we do this more we will understand other’s feelings and we will not play with them, because we are not just made out of flesh and bones.

For now, I will be happy I woke up, got to work, and drank my chai tea in the morning- and I’ll be happy to “make it dirty” because I’m only doing that to the coffee and it’s pretty damn good.

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