“Stop!”- hard breathing. “Stop, just stop it please!”- the sound of mercy; words that scream from the middle of our lungs when we are in different situations we hate. Loneliness, in the middle of a fight, in the middle- in between- the fine line of saying no we sometimes don’t cross for pity or fear. In words of the popular series now movie Sex and the city, “Carrie” says: “It’s incredible how we are eager to write our vows, but we don’t take the time to write our own rules”.
It’s been a week of thinking, of stopping, of daring to listen what others have to say. In a bus, the middle age man that was discussing with his buddies that a women was with a man that cheated on her, but that because he brought in the money she “had” to endure it. It was confusing. Either he was criticizing women that stayed with a man that cheated for money, or he was justifying it. And just as I was thinking that it was a good thing to analyze, two young women where passing by and the chuffer slowed downed. The group of men just dares to comment out loud, near me: “wow man, if the chuffer has slowed down, they must be extremely hot”. And they just followed them with their eyes, like if they could have saved a picture for a future exercise of imagination.
In other story, a middle age women that has to confront once again three men, which she dated on the same Summer, which are possible fathers of her daughter that is getting married. “Mamma Mia!”- I thought the plot was the reason for that name, but no, is a song, and it’s rather cool that is the song related to her feeling all over again after seeing them there after 20 years. The girl invited the possible fathers after reading her mom’s diary, which described sex as “three dots …”. Anyway, they were getting married and both were 20 years old. One of the possible fathers was rather mad that they were rushing. The groom said to her: “don’t you get it, I was ready to explore the world, with a spirit to travel to do 1000 things and I putted it on hold for you”. In the end, she said (bride to be): “you shouldn’t put on hold anything, let’s explore the world together, we’ll postpone the wedding”.
And then last but not least, abusive relationships. A 13 year old girl had a boyfriend of 17 that was abusive. Her mother knew about it, never suspected it would get that far. She tried to kill the girl that’s coming out of a comma; he killed her mother and her 80 year old grandmother. A boy of 17. Did you hear that, a relationship between a girl of 13 and a boy of 17. Dating violence exist. And of this I can talk and talk a lot, because I’ve always been amused and intrigued by the nature of these aggressors. In relationships, the signals are related to guilt. How much guilt can a girl take for talking to others, for having friends, for correcting something he said, for wearing too much make up, for wearing none, for not getting that cell phone at the second ring, for not “obeying”. How much guilt will that girl take now that her family is partially dead and that her sisters, some small, will grow without a mother? When she forgot how to say no. Could it be she said it but he was too strong, or did he tried to kill her because of it.
“Stop!”- it seems that we don’t take our time to say stop and to say no. You may be getting married tomorrow, or next month. You may be picking the kids today at the nursery. You may be an excellent father. A good boyfriend. You may be next. It seems that we need to take our own advices. We have the ability to analyze 20 relationships around us as strangers, but we cannot get out of ourselves to see the bigger view of the situation. We get trapped in there, like if it would be part of our agenda. One day they scream at us, disrespect us, the other day they are “nice”. What do these stories have in common, that we each face different situations, and we get to make decisions. It’s hard, because we get used to it. It becomes a routine and some psychologist say that most of the times we don’t break up with someone we know we aren’t happy is because we get used to them. “Routine beats love”. Then we have to get out of that routine and say no. Scream today! Say no! To all injustices, to violence, to every time you cry and feel hopeless, for the times your down, for the things you see on the news, for all the things that you wish to buy but can’t afford, for all your sacrifices, say no! Stop it! I need a break! In words of a song of Gloria Trevi: “Ella que nunca fue, ella que nunca fue ella… ella se miró al espejo y se buscó, dijo que sería ella mañana, y mañana nunca llegó.” “She that wasn’t she, she that was never her, … she looked at the mirror, she looked for herself, she said I’ll be myself tomorrow, and the other day she didn’t wake up”. What are you waiting for!